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Thursday, February 8, 2018

still counting

I guess it's all about scale.  What was counted in days is now, by the attrition of time, counted in years.

I wrote about the count First Here  &  Then Here.

But yesterday wasn't 730.  It just became 2.


We've had 2 Christmases.
2 Father's Days.
2 birthdays.
2 Easters
2 Lobster Fests.  
I can't say I've handled all those 2s very well. 



Harder to rally for the holidays without Dad here to focus our energies.  
I haven't gone to Red Lobster again because, well, why would I?  
Not even one trip to the produce stand for fresh berries & golden cherry tomatoes.

After mom passed away, I carried her spirit bundle for one year.  I felt her so present during that time.  I didn't feel a need to carry a bundle for dad.  Mom was lost.  Dad was so solidly present and ready to go.  He didn't need my support while he found his way.

I didn't really think about me needing his support.

In most ways, I'm so like my mom.  Verbal, witty, crafty, plagued by depression & anxiety, way over involved at the church...

But I'm so aware right now of my dad's influence.  Singing.  Nature.  Noticing rocks.  Loving wood.  An odd connection (ok - obsession) with knives & blades.  Quiet, fierce devotion to family.  We both like rare meat, stinky cheese, & black licorice (not served together though).

I like to think I got strength from both of them.

Got.  I wish it was "still get".   But I really don't feel them close.  I used to, with mom.  Not with dad.  There is just an ache.  An emptiness.  They just keep not being here.

In a month, mom's number will be at 10.

Numbers are usually comforting to me.  These just seem random & meaningless.  

2 & 10.  

Infinity & zero.



sash



Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Sew very sad....

I remember watching her on TV when I was in college.  And as a young mom.  And as a beginning quilter.  I can't really remember NOT watching her show.


There's a big quilting show in Puyallup every February.  About 3 years ago, I got to see Nancy, attend a lecture, touch quilts that she'd made.  I was such a fangirl.  It really was amazing.


I knew, thru her blog I think, that her cancer was not responding to treatment.  She was stepping down to spend time with family.  I knew what that meant.

I'm still feeling pretty heartsick.


She made an amazing difference in the world.  As a woman entrepreneur, a media figure, an artist, she opened so many doors.

My mother had Bell's Palsy just when I was born.  Mom was always so aware of the loss of movement & muscle tension - although it wasn't significant.  Nancy had Bell's Palsy as a child and it's effects were visible.  I always felt a personal connection to her - she was the first person I knew of with Bell's Palsy, aside from my mother.

A lifetime on camera - doing what she loved - in spite of her gender, the partial paralysis, the passing of times & trends - I always felt proud of her & protective of her - because she was part mine somehow.

A couple years ago, Nancy had a real time, video conference type workshop.  She spoke & did demos & had a time to take questions - by text.  I asked her a question about batting, I think, but in my text I also told her that she was a rock star.

She laughed - acted a bit embarrassed.

I'm glad I got to tell her.  


The set of Sewing with Nancy
Shine on, Rock Star.

auntiesash


Wednesday, June 21, 2017

I wanna be Miss Armstrong!!

These
 Three
Books!     

I stumbled upon the first one, which was WONDERFUL.   Excited to read the whole series, I devoured book 2 & then discovered, woe is me, that book 3 was only just released!!  Why did I assume there were 10-15 of these in the world already?

Sigh.

Cozy mysteries with amazing female characters & a delightful supporting cast, these are a perfect summer read.

The audible version is terrific.  I "read" it at 1.35 speed.

xoxo
sash

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Because PUPPY!!

I feel a need to update the blog.  
I feel no desire to write.  
Or think.

So puppy:

Oh,why not? Have another one puppy:


That should do for now.

xoxo
sash

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Goals

I've got all the books.  I know that the way to success is setting goals, planning your work, working your plan.  Napoleon Hill, Dale Carnegie, Francis Martin, Zig Zeigler - I've read them all.

But this isn't that kind of goal.

In fact, less & less of my life is set up with that kind of goal.  I understand the value &, if inspiration strikes, I will fall back on those techniques.  But for 2017, I'm setting some goals that are less about achieving & more about being.

Goals 2017
  1. Stop doing shit I don't want to do.
  2. Believe that "I don't want to" is a completely valid reason.  Maybe not the most important reason, but still a valid point to consider!
  3. Keep reading the things I love & stretch to add a little more non-fiction, poetry, & the classics.
  4. Remember the things I enjoy.  Sewing, puzzles, cooking, hitting things with sticks - those are all things that I want to do more - I just have to remember to DO THEM.

I think that's it.  Yeah - I wanna be healthier, be more accountable, clear out clutter.  Floss more.  There's always that list.  But my goals are about happiness, calm, family, & peace.  Right now, as our world shifts around us, those things seem the most important.

Oh yeah - my reading goal.  That's why I STARTED this post.  I like to see how many books I've read in a year.  A good way to keep a tally is the Goodread's goal.  But because it's more about record keeping than about achieving a goal, I always dither about the number.  If I set it too low, I end up changing it over and over.  But heaven help me if I set it too high & feel like I'm somehow FAILING at reading?  Last year I set it at 78.  That's 1.5 books per week.  I ended the year at 119, so that was definitely a safe number.  So I wanna bump it up this year.  I thought 8/month would be good.  That's 2 per week, almost.  But that is 96 and my favorite number is 97 so, duh, time to round UP.

Therefore:
      5.      Read 97 books this year.  Or more.  Or less.  Whatever

You have goals for the year?  Wanna hang out & work on a puzzle?  Whattya gonna read this year?  Can I borrow it when you're done?

Oh - and no matter what - remember that I care about you.  Things feel uncertain (at best) right now.  We need to stick together.  I see you.  I'm here for you.  Really.  

xo
sash

Friday, November 18, 2016

Binge Reading

How did I find the first book?  NO IDEA!  Goodreads or Amazon or Bookbub... I seem to add to my TBR list everywhere.  So THANK YOU to the universe for this one:

Which is the fourth in a series, but it totally didn't matter.  I was HOOKED on the story, the setting, & the characters.  The lead is a strong woman - flawed but not ridiculous, with passion & problems & massive skills.  


 So I quickly devoured:


       

                          And this great 
                           little novella: 






They were ALL delightful.  The audible versions are great fun.  They are perfect cozy romps & I hope that Gretchen Archer is busy writing the next installment.  I can hardly WAIT to see what's next!!

xo
sash