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Thursday, February 8, 2018

still counting

I guess it's all about scale.  What was counted in days is now, by the attrition of time, counted in years.

I wrote about the count First Here  &  Then Here.

But yesterday wasn't 730.  It just became 2.

We've had 2 Christmases.
2 Father's Days.
2 birthdays.
2 Easters
2 Lobster Fests.  
I can't say I've handled all those 2s very well. 

Harder to rally for the holidays without Dad here to focus our energies.  
I haven't gone to Red Lobster again because, well, why would I?  
Not even one trip to the produce stand for fresh berries & golden cherry tomatoes.

After mom passed away, I carried her spirit bundle for one year.  I felt her so present during that time.  I didn't feel a need to carry a bundle for dad.  Mom was lost.  Dad was so solidly present and ready to go.  He didn't need my support while he found his way.

I didn't really think about me needing his support.

In most ways, I'm so like my mom.  Verbal, witty, crafty, plagued by depression & anxiety, way over involved at the church...

But I'm so aware right now of my dad's influence.  Singing.  Nature.  Noticing rocks.  Loving wood.  An odd connection (ok - obsession) with knives & blades.  Quiet, fierce devotion to family.  We both like rare meat, stinky cheese, & black licorice (not served together though).

I like to think I got strength from both of them.

Got.  I wish it was "still get".   But I really don't feel them close.  I used to, with mom.  Not with dad.  There is just an ache.  An emptiness.  They just keep not being here.

In a month, mom's number will be at 10.

Numbers are usually comforting to me.  These just seem random & meaningless.  

2 & 10.  

Infinity & zero.


Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Sew very sad....

I remember watching her on TV when I was in college.  And as a young mom.  And as a beginning quilter.  I can't really remember NOT watching her show.

There's a big quilting show in Puyallup every February.  About 3 years ago, I got to see Nancy, attend a lecture, touch quilts that she'd made.  I was such a fangirl.  It really was amazing.

I knew, thru her blog I think, that her cancer was not responding to treatment.  She was stepping down to spend time with family.  I knew what that meant.

I'm still feeling pretty heartsick.

She made an amazing difference in the world.  As a woman entrepreneur, a media figure, an artist, she opened so many doors.

My mother had Bell's Palsy just when I was born.  Mom was always so aware of the loss of movement & muscle tension - although it wasn't significant.  Nancy had Bell's Palsy as a child and it's effects were visible.  I always felt a personal connection to her - she was the first person I knew of with Bell's Palsy, aside from my mother.

A lifetime on camera - doing what she loved - in spite of her gender, the partial paralysis, the passing of times & trends - I always felt proud of her & protective of her - because she was part mine somehow.

A couple years ago, Nancy had a real time, video conference type workshop.  She spoke & did demos & had a time to take questions - by text.  I asked her a question about batting, I think, but in my text I also told her that she was a rock star.

She laughed - acted a bit embarrassed.

I'm glad I got to tell her.  

The set of Sewing with Nancy
Shine on, Rock Star.


Wednesday, June 21, 2017

I wanna be Miss Armstrong!!


I stumbled upon the first one, which was WONDERFUL.   Excited to read the whole series, I devoured book 2 & then discovered, woe is me, that book 3 was only just released!!  Why did I assume there were 10-15 of these in the world already?


Cozy mysteries with amazing female characters & a delightful supporting cast, these are a perfect summer read.

The audible version is terrific.  I "read" it at 1.35 speed.


Thursday, March 30, 2017

Because PUPPY!!

I feel a need to update the blog.  
I feel no desire to write.  
Or think.

So puppy:

Oh,why not? Have another one puppy:

That should do for now.


Thursday, January 19, 2017


I've got all the books.  I know that the way to success is setting goals, planning your work, working your plan.  Napoleon Hill, Dale Carnegie, Francis Martin, Zig Zeigler - I've read them all.

But this isn't that kind of goal.

In fact, less & less of my life is set up with that kind of goal.  I understand the value &, if inspiration strikes, I will fall back on those techniques.  But for 2017, I'm setting some goals that are less about achieving & more about being.

Goals 2017
  1. Stop doing shit I don't want to do.
  2. Believe that "I don't want to" is a completely valid reason.  Maybe not the most important reason, but still a valid point to consider!
  3. Keep reading the things I love & stretch to add a little more non-fiction, poetry, & the classics.
  4. Remember the things I enjoy.  Sewing, puzzles, cooking, hitting things with sticks - those are all things that I want to do more - I just have to remember to DO THEM.

I think that's it.  Yeah - I wanna be healthier, be more accountable, clear out clutter.  Floss more.  There's always that list.  But my goals are about happiness, calm, family, & peace.  Right now, as our world shifts around us, those things seem the most important.

Oh yeah - my reading goal.  That's why I STARTED this post.  I like to see how many books I've read in a year.  A good way to keep a tally is the Goodread's goal.  But because it's more about record keeping than about achieving a goal, I always dither about the number.  If I set it too low, I end up changing it over and over.  But heaven help me if I set it too high & feel like I'm somehow FAILING at reading?  Last year I set it at 78.  That's 1.5 books per week.  I ended the year at 119, so that was definitely a safe number.  So I wanna bump it up this year.  I thought 8/month would be good.  That's 2 per week, almost.  But that is 96 and my favorite number is 97 so, duh, time to round UP.

      5.      Read 97 books this year.  Or more.  Or less.  Whatever

You have goals for the year?  Wanna hang out & work on a puzzle?  Whattya gonna read this year?  Can I borrow it when you're done?

Oh - and no matter what - remember that I care about you.  Things feel uncertain (at best) right now.  We need to stick together.  I see you.  I'm here for you.  Really.  


Friday, November 18, 2016

Binge Reading

How did I find the first book?  NO IDEA!  Goodreads or Amazon or Bookbub... I seem to add to my TBR list everywhere.  So THANK YOU to the universe for this one:

Which is the fourth in a series, but it totally didn't matter.  I was HOOKED on the story, the setting, & the characters.  The lead is a strong woman - flawed but not ridiculous, with passion & problems & massive skills.  

 So I quickly devoured:


                          And this great 
                           little novella: 

They were ALL delightful.  The audible versions are great fun.  They are perfect cozy romps & I hope that Gretchen Archer is busy writing the next installment.  I can hardly WAIT to see what's next!!