I'm not even sure what prompted me to post this on Facebook in March 2019. Maybe a supreme court nomination? Or roll-backs of EPA regulations? It was a simpler time, I guess, when I was watching the government, worrying about what it meant for the future, & still maintaining some sense of humor.
And now the world is on fire.
Murder. Rioting. Murder. Pandemic (or, as it was once known, Plague). Murder. Hong Kong lockdown. Murder.
Murder, Murder, Murder.
I've not watched the video. I can't. Reading the descriptions, seeing the "thumbnail" of the video, watching the faces... I'm already almost paralyzed with grief & anger & despair. It's probably chicken-shit of me, but watching the whole thing would simply destroy me. That seems like a pointless indulgence right now. I'm little enough use as I am but so much less so if I fall into that dark, destroyed place.
And it's so not about me or my experience. Of events. Of reactions. Of anything. I don't even have to react, which also makes me feel sick.
No reaction... That's what even the still shots show me. I don't have to zoom in or hear the words. I see the men standing there. Just watching. Watching their colleague commit murder. Not even "I thought he had a gun & I panicked" Not "Heat of the moment, bad decision" But slow, calm, deliberate murder.
How did they hold still? How was there no pulling on his arm? No "Hey man - back off"? Fuck - why was there no flying tackle to get that violent, hostile, murderous man off the throat of another human being????
They just stood there.
Please, universe, creation, all that is good - never let me just stand there. Or sit here. Even if I screw it up, push me to do something.
